Tips for Parents
Knock, Knock… Who’s There?
Are you a parent who enters your teen’s bedroom without knocking and waiting for a response? Think it’s not a big deal because you pay for that room? Some parents believe they have permanent permission to enter whenever they like. However, entering your child’s private space is a boundary violation. When a parent does not allow the child to decide who enters their physical space and when, they send the message to the teen that anyone can violate their personal space whenever they choose. They also learn they can violate another person’s space with no consideration of the other person’s wishes. Not only do they learn that their physical space is not theirs, but their emotional boundaries are affected, as well. While this seems subtle, it can easily result in unhealthy relationships, high-risk behaviors, and diminished agency over their own lives. We want our teens to grow up to engage in healthy, mutually respectful relationships and have healthy boundaries. The simple act of knocking on your teen’s door and waiting for a response can help instill this important life skill.
My Teen Has Turned Into A Cave Dweller
Frustrated that your teen suddenly lives 23 out of 24 hours in her room? Wish your teen would hang out more often in the common spaces in your home? Often teens venture out into the home and are met with comments like, “Well! Look who decided to grace us with his presence?!” or “To what do we owe the pleasure?!” Parents often find their comments hilarious, but they are proven to immediately send the teen right back to their safe spaces. Making a big deal about them is rarely the answer to keeping them around.
The next time your teen appears, try gently acknowledging their presence without calling attention to them. You can calmly offer a snack or drink or just simply say, “Hi! I’m glad to see you.” Let them ease into the space and gently offer to include them in whatever is happening in the room. When they return to their rooms, simply tell them that you’ll see them later. It gives them permission to return to their rooms and they have an invitation to return at their leisure. And you just might see them more often!
Help! We are stuck at home!
While a pandemic is never a good thing, this is an opportunity for families to turn inward and go deeper. It may be uncomfortable to be together all.the.time at first, but sitting beside your kiddo working a puzzle can strengthen your emotional tethers to each other. Reading books, playing games, doing art, and going for walks around your neighborhood are activities we typically have to work into our busy schedules. This gives parents an opportunity to listen to how their kids are experiencing this unprecedented containment and to have meaningful conversations about community, the vulnerable, and each other.
Hang Up and Hang Out
Teens are not the only ones who need less screen time. As parents, it’s easy to send one more email, check the scores or news, and catch up on social media while we could be spending face-to-face time with our teens. Set a good example and hang up and hang out!
No screens at the dinner table
No additional screens while watching a TV show or movie
Set up a charging station in the kitchen for all screens to charge overnight
one topic, one hour: workshops for parents
Parents of preteens and teens are invited to “One Topic, One Hour,” a parenting workshop that will provide information, resources, and support. This workshop series will help parents learn healthy ways to navigate foundational issues in their children’s lives and provide parents with tools to set their children up for success as adults.
When: To be scheduled
Where: Virtually via Video Platform
Cost: $25 per family
“It was good to be reminded that adolescence is a developmental process and we can’t expect them to mature overnight. They need to learn lessons and experience things for themselves. This was freeing (and also a little frightening!) to realize.”